Ivana Beadored's Torn and Twisted Dereliction of Beauty

Video........

2007-08-13T11:24:48Z

X posted from Dulux Dogs

2007-03-27T13:17:37Z

queen_ivana @ 2007-03-03T12:19:00

2007-03-03T12:22:02Z

A seagull has just crapped all over me - I've been carpet bombed in the white stuff.

It's supposed to be a sign of good luck...............i can't wait!

Put me in a pink wig and ripped fishnets........

2007-01-30T14:46:49Z

what the hell......

2006-11-10T21:27:48Z

x posted x dressed

2006-07-15T10:38:32Z

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Xposted elsewhere but who cares.......its been a while!!

2006-05-15T09:56:07Z

More disfunctional imagery.....its just a phase I'm going through

CBB Sunday Times 15/01/06

2006-01-16T10:18:19Z

"Pete Burns, the cosmetically altered singer from Dead or Alive, who does that uniquely British and rather fabulous thing of appearing extraordinarily effeminate while simultaneously having the ultra-butch, vicious, filthy mouth and demeanour of a navvy"

I think India Knight who wrote that must surely have met me at sometime.

Here's to being uniquely British and doing that fabulous thing.........now f*ck off you bunch of stupid c*nts...LOL

Happy New Year to all you freaks.............

2005-12-31T11:37:09Z

Innocent 70's style humour from the BBC !

2005-11-21T13:41:06Z

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie

Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many

takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of

delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting

through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not giggling] as you read ...

--------------------------------------------------------

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella

worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling

shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,

and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible

huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had

tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let

Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She

turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with

six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise,

there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said

Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping

her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and

the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg

and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the

stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the

sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a

knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge

halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking

ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince

lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a

follen swanny.

Cross dressed and cross posted like.......

2005-10-21T11:34:37Z

Dont look at me like that......ya 'lil bitch!!!

2005-09-28T18:03:12Z

Well just look at you lot........I knew I always had bad taste !

2005-08-30T10:09:22Z

queen_ivana

The LJ friendsCollage.
Original by teemus. Modifications by whitez.

Just because I posted it doesn't mean I agree with it.........

2005-08-24T13:44:49Z

I'm sure all you gals will find this highly amusing!

A womens point of view:

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other
day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his
forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get backin.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you
really badly.

She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.

She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
On the sofa and fart'.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money thatI gave you?

She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard'.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring,and
good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A: Reload and try again!

More photo archive...ness

2005-08-23T11:20:16Z

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to pull it off again........

Just give me La la la la la la Ooh La la la la...........

2005-08-22T11:21:33Z

Your French Name Is

Adèle Basque

What's Your French Name?

queen_ivana @ 2005-06-13T13:55:00

2005-06-13T13:00:45Z

This photo (blown up to about 5ft tall) featured recently in an exibition in London. It seemed to get a good reaction so I thought I'd share it with you.

queen_ivana @ 2005-05-14T16:32:00

2005-05-14T13:42:19Z

found this old pick-churrr....I can do glam with chest hair grrrrrrrrrrrrr

queen_ivana @ 2005-04-25T11:57:00

2005-04-25T11:00:09Z

Gurls low rise hipster jeans are now where its at for this trash queen.....

The ultimate blonde joke to end all blonde jokes

2005-03-24T10:26:00Z

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through
her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

queen_ivana @ 2005-03-07T16:47:00

2005-03-07T16:48:37Z

None of my "real" friends seem to be on here any more....where's everyone gone to? Some, cool hip place with a strict dress code selling overpriced drinks no doubt!

Like I give a flying fuck, I'll just carry on attention seeking.

Subject: for all you girls.. and fairies!

2005-02-04T16:12:51Z

A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married
Couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish" "I want to travel
around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife. The fairy
moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets appeared in her
hands. Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only
occurs once in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to
have a wife 30 years younger than me". The wife was deeply
disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a circle with her
magic stick and.......abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years
old. . . .

.
.
Men might be b@stards.
But Fairies are....................Female!

Fucking Bitch Fairies !!!!

queen_ivana @ 2005-01-22T16:23:00

2005-01-22T14:50:13Z

Just showing what can be done sometimes.....

The Queens Christmas Message!

2004-12-23T09:48:51Z

Merry Chistmas and Best Wishes to all you complete strangers but especially to all you "non strangers".

Have a good one...........

queen_ivana @ 2004-12-14T13:06:00

2004-12-14T13:23:46Z

Why?....because I can